The maker of heavenly trousers

Thu 22 Dec 2005, 12:36 AM by Jay Kastner
The site has been hit and miss ever since I applied the last round of patches. Microsoft must have changed something in the TCP/IP stack. I plan to reload the OS and web servers late next week, so please be patient.
Thu 22 Dec 2005, 12:35 AM by Jay Kastner
...and Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa and Festivus. I will be off to Phoenix as of Friday morning.
Sun 18 Dec 2005, 05:14 PM by Jay Kastner
It is NOT possible to OD on Graeter's Mocha Chip ice cream
Sun 18 Dec 2005, 01:48 PM by Jay Kastner
I do not appreciate receiving magazines for women's clothing. Unless it's Victoria's Secret.
Fri 16 Dec 2005, 10:49 AM by Jay Kastner
Thu 15 Dec 2005, 10:00 PM by Jay Kastner
Thu 15 Dec 2005, 09:59 PM by Jay Kastner
Wed 14 Dec 2005, 09:30 PM by Jay Kastner
This is a real e-mail sent out to everyone in my company. Only the company and sender's names, as well as a phone number, have been changed. Check out the text marked in red. Someone in my group recently had an STD. He's now the go-to guy for questions regarding STDs. : )
Wed 14 Dec 2005, 09:13 PM by Jay Kastner
Are you tired of all those lame "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship…

1. When you are sad: I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue: I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile: I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared: I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried: I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are confused: I will use little words.
7. When you are sick: Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall: I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath. I pledge it till the end. "Why?" you ask. Because you are my friend.
Send this to ten of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of four.
Remember: A good friend will help you move, and a really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.

Wed 14 Dec 2005, 08:43 PM by Jay Kastner
Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all Yeer.
Yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
-Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
-Santa

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
-Santa

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
-Santa

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
-Santa

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
-Santa

Dear Santa,
I really, really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
-Santa

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your house just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
-Santa

Wed 14 Dec 2005, 08:37 PM by Jay Kastner
I just spent $326.60 on my cat's vet bill.
Wed 14 Dec 2005, 10:47 AM by Jay Kastner
Tue 13 Dec 2005, 10:32 PM by Jay Kastner
Mon 12 Dec 2005, 10:09 PM by Jay Kastner
Sun 11 Dec 2005, 11:35 PM by Jay Kastner
Mixing equal parts chai concentrate, cream, sugar and ice will result in a substance 10x more addictive than crack cocaine.
Sun 11 Dec 2005, 12:56 AM by Jay Kastner
Cruft is bad.
Sat 10 Dec 2005, 04:55 PM by Jay Kastner
Former "It" girls:

-Winona Ryder
-Tina Fey
-Rachael Leigh Cook
-Sherilyn Fenn
-Béatrice Dalle
-Juliette Binoche
-Isabella Rossellini

Suggestions so far:

-Asia Argento
-Jayla

Sat 10 Dec 2005, 01:25 PM by Jay Kastner
Sat 10 Dec 2005, 01:21 PM by Jay Kastner
Orlando, Florida: 67°F, Scattered Clouds, Wind N at 0 mph, Humidity 68%
Thu 8 Dec 2005, 11:52 AM by Jay Kastner
Wed 7 Dec 2005, 07:47 PM by Jay Kastner
Wed 7 Dec 2005, 07:45 PM by Jay Kastner
This is a real ad. I saved it from one of their sites:
Tue 6 Dec 2005, 11:09 PM by Jay Kastner
Tue 6 Dec 2005, 10:32 PM by Jay Kastner
I still think shooting bottle-rockets at cops beats this.
Right Chris (Indy)?
Right Brian (Cincy)?
http://media.putfile.com/candlequake
Mon 5 Dec 2005, 12:53 AM by Jay Kastner
$459.98
Apple Mac mini M9686LL/B (1.25 GHz Power PC G4, 512 MB DDR SDRAM, 40 GB Hard Drive, DVD/CD-RW Drive) + Canon PIXMA iP1600 Photo Printer

Go to Amazon.com, add it and Canon PIXMA iP1600 Photo Printer to your cart. There is $25 rebate(expire: 12/20/2005) + $50 rebate(expire: 12/30/2005) - combine purchase. And free shipping.

Mon 5 Dec 2005, 12:50 AM by Jay Kastner
$299
Dimension 1100 with Celeron D, 2.53GHz,256MB, 80GB, 48x CD-RW or 16x DVD-ROM, 17 inch CRT, 90 days On-Site Warranty

Go to Dell SB, click on Desktop offers and then customize it under 1100 model with price $299. Select "80GB Ultra ATA/100 7200RPM Hard Drive add $0" and "Single Drive: 48x CD-RW Drive add $0" or "Single Drive: 16X DVD-ROM Drive add $0". Keep continue and add to cart for $299. There is $24 handling fee and free shipping.

Mon 5 Dec 2005, 12:45 AM by Jay Kastner
I have 742 MBs of Christmas MP3s. It would be fairly easy for me to split these up into three zip files, and you could download via eDonkey. If you're interested, you know the e-mail address...
Sun 4 Dec 2005, 02:22 PM by Jay Kastner
"I'm Free" by The Soup Dragons. Circa 1990, yet it still sounds great...
Thu 1 Dec 2005, 11:16 PM by Jay Kastner
Mix one part sweaty rant with a dose of crazy, and you get a great song.
Thu 1 Dec 2005, 01:21 AM by Jay Kastner