There's no hippity-hop language here...

How To Deal With Jay Withdrawal

Sun 23 Jul 2006, 06:29 PM

1. Understand that you're not alone. Plenty of people feel the same way.
2. Understand that it's natural. I can't be everywhere all the time.
3. Try to distract yourself. Suggestions include: world peace, quantum physics and/or organized religion.
4. If number three doesn't help, embrace the feeling of loss by doing something I like to do. Examples include skateboarding, Panera, playing with Moz or working past midnight.
5. Use heavy doses of your favorite drug or drink. It will dull the pain.
6. Pray.
7. Try calling or IMing me. Even though I will probably ignore you, any response will provide some comfort.
8. Money: I like it. Give me some and I'll spend more time with you.
9. Watch videos or view pictures of me. Not the same as being there in person...but better than nothing.
10. Find someone that looks a lot like me. Follow them. Call them "Jay". Hide behind bushes if you need to.

What's been said:

Kate Moss (07/23/2006 06:44 PM) n/a

I try number five on a regular basis. It helps.

Tina Fey (07/23/2006 06:46 PM) n/a

Nothing really helps. I miss you. And I still have a pair of your boxers. Stop by anytime know...pick them up. I'll fix you dinner.

Catherine Keener (07/23/2006 06:47 PM) n/a

Why won't you return my calls?

Asia Argento (07/23/2006 06:51 PM) n/a

I'm so over you. Sort of. Maybe. OK, just come over. Remember that time we re-enacted scenes from the movie "Damage"? You know you want to again...

Em (07/23/2006 10:33 PM) n/a

Thank God you posted this. I was about to get in the TL and drive off a cliff, but now I know I can just resort to alcohol instead!

I'm still surprised that you went to the Vatican and the world didn't end, a la Dogma.

Erin (07/23/2006 11:33 PM) n/a

I'm surprised Paris Hilton didn't respond too.

Fiona Apple (07/24/2006 08:43 PM) n/a

I've thought about you a lot since that last night we shared together. I miss you. Call me.

George Bush (07/24/2006 08:45 PM) n/a

Hey there, Jay Boy! It sure is great having supporters like you.

Wait, did that there sound like I meant athletic supporter? Cause I really didn't mean it that way. Aw shucks. You're the man, Jay Boy!

Sara (07/24/2006 11:07 PM) n/a

The picture of you on my desk is only a partial comfort while you are away. I've tried quantum physics, as you have suggested, but am tired of thinking on such a tiny, subatomic level. I like to think big.

Elton John (09/26/2007 12:49 PM) n/a

I also miss the nights we spent together...

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